Wake Up Men: Headship Doesn’t Mean Lordship

Fred Littauer

Word Publishing: Dallas, 1994

199 pages

Reviewed by Aaron Barker

In Wake Up Men: Headship Doesn’t Mean Lordship, Fred Littauer shows that most husbands are not very receptive of their wives’ feelings. He accomplishes this difficult task by relating his own experiences of marriage to the reader.

To start the book off, Fred Littauer talks about the "hunky-doree" stage of marriage. This is the stage immediately following the marriage itself. During this stage everything is "a-ok" with both partners of marriage, no bickering, no fussing, no complications at all. Fred relates a story, to the reader, about the night of his marriage. Everything was perfect, except one detail: his bride-to-be’s Aunt Edie had not arrived from New York. Due to this, his wedding got started fifteen minutes later than scheduled. He was willing to overlook this. He was not going to let it bother him. This, he says, is because it was the beginning of their long relationship together. This is the "hunky-doree" stage of marriage.

After the honeymoon is over, Fred describes the not-so-good transition between the "hunky-doree" stage of marriage to the "who’s-gonna-do-what" stage of marriage. It is during this stage that the husband and the wife try to figure out each other’s roles in the marriage. During this stage, men usually come home from work and sit in the recliner, and wait for the wife to finish supper. The helpfulness of the husband drops dramatically, and the wife begins to feel unappreciated and unwanted. Fred says that it is during this stage that husbands’ sensitivity to their wives’ feeling is dulled the most.

As with all marriages, there come rough times that it must face. Fred tells of some of the roughest times he and his wife had to face. One of these times was during the birth of their son. When he was born, he acted just like a normal baby would. He ate, he cried, he slept, and ate some more; however, one day he didn’t act like a normal baby. Fred and his wife took their son to the doctor, but they could do nothing for him. This same thing happened to their second son. These truly were difficult times for a marriage to have to face.

During these times, Fred tells about his selfishness. He focused on his needs rather than his wife’s needs. Fred says that during difficulties, men focus on themselves rather than on their wife.

The tone of this book is very laid back, and informal. One could almost call it a "buddy, buddy" book. Although he "buddy, buddy" tone is often ineffective, this tone is very fitting considering he relates very emotional, as well as, very personal stories.

Any man who is interested in having a successful marriage would be interested in this book, but the man who thinks he is having a difficult time understanding his wife’s weird needs and feelings would be especially interested in this book.

Personally, this book was very helpful. It showed me some of the problems that I will probably have to face when I am married, and it told me ways to overcome these problems. This book also helped me realize the importance of choosing the right person to marry. Marriage is a lifelong decision, I sure do not want to spend the rest of my life with someone I do not love or even like! But, above all of this, I learned that if I want to be a good and successful husband, I must not focus on myself, but I must constantly be aware of my wife’s needs and feelings.